My last post probably came across as a left field addition to a blog about health, food and better wellness but I assure you, it was mostly intentional. I didn't intend for it to be so long but it was therapy to look inward and deconstruct the reasons behind my bad and unhealthy habits. I struggle every day with making positive choices, not just with food but with what I spend my time and attention on. I spend all night watching TV or playing video games when I could be meal prepping lunches for the work week or doing some chores to better clean up the house.
October is a busy month for my personal life too because every game I wanted to buy this Fall literally releases in October. Battlefield 6, FragPunk Season Three, Pokémon Z-A and PowerWash Simulator 2 all release this month basically back-to-back and that has kept me busy amongst also having a family reunion, wedding and two Halloween parties to attend. Let's also not forget that I am getting back into writing so I've been giving time to my podcasts lately and have been trying to spend a little more time on my computer to write some scripts, record on Audacity and then add overlay for my gaming Podcast so there's a visual as I talk about the said topic.
Needless to say, I have been quite busy in my free time, and I'm not done yet! I'm also trying to get more into reading this year and songwriting has been calling me in 2025 so I am thinking about, especially after that last post, writing a few songs for an EP or Album, depending on where it goes. I have several note docs with half lyrics and audio notes with chorus ideas or song melodies. Getting focused is really all I need.
Do I have ADHD, do I have ridiculous anxiety? They couldn't definitively tell me when I was tested because my parents suck and as a child, I just sort of existed with my brain until I was an adult and had to make my own decisions. The way life worked out left me with a lot of uncertainties and doubts, both about myself and those I interact with. Either way, I'm genuinely at a point of no return moment in my self discovery and I've broken down enough walls in my trauma and upbringing that I can safely say I'm past the half way point. I'm 32 years old saying that so it might be a rest of life situation but at least I can say I'm making progress almost every day.
What really hurts me recently is the fact that I thought I had worked past the parental side of my trauma and as it turns out, I had only focused on one hyper specific part of it and find myself a grown man with existing trauma that still affects me. Someone once said "You can't teach an old dog new tricks", which is only true for certain folks. In my case, I'm afraid they're right.
Let's move past all that though, I've addressed my previous post and would like to move forward now. My weight has plateaued at 340 lbs and for whatever reason will not drop below. I am glad I'm down 27 pounds but I guess this is the part where I have to eat better and start going for daily walks again and use my weights downstairs and honestly, I should start doing daily stretches too!
New habits are so hard to create but in 32 years, I have never known such a motivational reason to put in the work as I do now. I'll be a dad in the new few years and my life will be focused on other priorities. Video games will take a backseat and family activities will be my focus. I don't want to post something long today but wanted to put a few thoughts out into the world.
Until Next Time, Friends.