Originally, I wanted this blog to be about weight loss and I started adding some recipes because I thought that's what cool bloggers did but eventually, I discovered that I wasn't much of a blogger at all because I did that to look healthy when it was one recipe or meal I was sharing while I didn't account for the rest of my days calories. Now, I just want to share my health journey to the dozen or so people that stumble across this blog.
Maybe I shared this previously, maybe I didn't, but the short and sweet is that I was majorly unhealthy growing up and that led me to bad habits in my early adult years. Lots of greasy burgers in my 20's and milk shakes, soda or drinks that generally weren't water. This led to several health problems that I discovered in my late 20's and now 30's.
As I turn 32 years old in less than a week, I just saw my doctor last week for an update to my A1C and a few other blood tests he wanted to look at. Boy, was I shocked. My A1C is now down from 7.2 to 5.6, which for those unaware, is in NORMAL ranges again! My cholesterol is good and not a concern and my blood pressure meds are being reduced from 20mg to 10mg to see if that's better for my light headedness although I was told I am not even drinking close to my daily amount of water and need to be much more intentional about that (like setting reminders intentional).
Also, my liver enzymes are much lower and if I keep on the path I'm going, I might get rid of my (non alcoholic) fatty liver disease. Lastly, I am down from 365 lbs to currently 345 lbs. My doctor agreed to put in a prescription to raise my Monjouro from 2.5mg to 5.0 mg so I can hopefully keep my A1C low but also lose some additional weight as this is still high for my age/height.
I have been through enough therapy at this point that I no longer blame my verbally abusive, fire and brimestone preaching father. I had daddy issues, now I have a "I want to stay alive" issue. My wife is my biggest supporter, from the moment we started dating, I knew I had made the right choice. We are closing in on our 1 year anniversary in August and what better gift then for her to know that I'm making healthier choices and will be around on this planet longer to enjoy our time together.
As someone who deconstructed, partially, I came to realize that I will always believe in God. I will always believe in heaven and hell and the rapture happening one day and sin being bad so don't be a jerk to your fellow humans. That being said, I don't think cussing will send me to hell but I still choose time and place and curb the level of colorful language I put in my vocabulary. I think that it's important to pray and be intentional about my goals, choices and way I live my life. I don't ever think I'll be a disciple as shown in the bible who preaches to strangers but I will be happy to talk about my faith in an organic way if it comes up in conversation. I am not ashamed of my faith but I will not be another bad apple that spoils the bunch, as so many extremists have done in the past.
I say all this because in my depressed youth, when I struggled with wanting to be alive, I thought a loophole would be to eat badly enough that I have a heart attack and then God still has to let me into heaven. I was so afraid of hell and damnation that I decided to poison myself for a decade or so with a bad diet and habits. All the while not paying attention to gluttony being a sin as well.
I was a troubled young adult with a trauma that made me people pleasing and begging for love from whomever would give it to me. I was in friend groups as the fat, funny guy and I stayed because it was better then being alone. I had several failed relationships because I had to feel in control and if I lost that, I lost everything. So many of my ex's have great stories they probably share with their family or friends and I'm embarrassed to have given it to them.
My wife, when we were dating, saved my life. Maybe not in the literal sense, but she gave me a reason to see a doctor, get yearly physicals, see a therapist and all around better myself. I would quite literally be where I was 10 years ago today if not for her. I refuse to believe any other narrative. For my birthday, I don't want gifts and I don't really want attention because I'm more concerned with my anniversary a month later in August where I get to celebrate my favorite person alive and the love we share together.
At the end of the day, I'm not a blogger. I am a writer and that takes many forms. Today, it means blogger. Tomorrow? Songwriter. Sometime after that? Novelist. I am taking back my health and demanding a full life of memories and love. What happens next doesn't matter as long as who I am doing it with loves me and takes the passenger seat with jubilation.
Until Next Time, Friends.
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