Today I want to take a second to talk about health/fitness and food misconceptions, as perceived in my mind. I want to do this not to justify my actions but rather to hold myself accountable and hopefully find some like-minded or opposing minded individuals who want to have a real discussion about this. The goal of this blog is to track my "fitness journey", right? So lets talk about Valentine's weekend.
This time last year, I was single and really didn't do much. Valentine's Day fell on a Friday, which meant, I was probably working. The weekend probably saw me playing video games and sitting around on my couch a good portion of that weekend. This year was different. I'm proud to say I'm not single, better than that, I'm dating my best friend and I literally couldn't be happier. It was our first Valentine's day and of course this nasty freezing ice and snow had to ruin things but before that, we had Friday and Saturday.
A few weeks back, we had an early Valentine's dinner and made beef steaks with mac and cheese we found at Sams Club (pictured a few posts back) and some potatoes we chopped up and tossed in the oven. We also made chocolate covered strawberries and pretzels! It was really nice to get to share a truly wonderful evening together but I knew we wanted to do something on the weekend of Valentine's still so we did.
Friday night, we got Mexican and it'd been awhile for us both since we'd had Mexican so it was a real treat and boy, we loved it! We both drank water, as per usual, but the food was really good! I could eat an entire bowl of that rice, excuse me while I drool on my keyboard. After the meal, we stayed in and tried to keep warm in this overly cold weekend weather.
Saturday is where I realize I had gone maybe a "smidge" overboard in regards to food. For those unfamiliar, I grew up a chubby kid and one thing my dad loved was buffets. He especially loved going at the end of lunch and staying into dinner to get the "dinner priced foods". As a food lover and connoisseur of things you munch on, I had to say the dinner foods were the best! Mac and cheese galore, bread, turkey or steak, etc. The list goes on and on. Of course my mom said one vegetable so I got a small serving of green beans since corn apparently doesn't count.
That being said, we went to a Chinese buffet with some friends and got our fill before we went axe throwing. It was really good and I hadn't had Chinese in probably three or four months before then so I was very eager to get started on my first plate. I'll admit I went a little overboard and definitely overate while I was there. There's this thing called "The Sigh" that Jennifer was telling me about where your body will let out an audible sigh when it's satisfied. Learning to recognize your body's sigh and implementing it into your meals could help with portions or even weight loss but personally, I can't tell when my body sighs but rather when I feel full.
Put as much stock into that as you want but I have felt that sigh just not very often have I found myself recognizing it during a meal. I say all this to show accountability. I acknowledge that I overate and I acknowledge that it is a very rare scenario anymore in my life that I do so. This is the part of my post where you might find some dicey logic or opinions. Keep in mind they are all opinions and I understand I am not a fitness guru otherwise I wouldn't be fat and overweight with high blood pressure and borderline diabetic.
Science has proven that all bodies are different but a lot of us operate the same. That's why some diets work for some and not for others. Someone with PCOS is going to have a much harder time than someone with a high functioning metabolism, even if they both eat the exact same meals every day. It's not fair but when has life ever been fair? Again, my bias is showing. So for me, who grew up with a very unhealthy outlook on foods and ate very poorly, smiling at McDonalds for lunch/dinner and frowning at the lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, oranges, apples and various other fruits and vegetables for my ENTIRE childhood, you can see where that leads me into my adult life as an overweight, naïve individual.
Of course I'm overweight and have high blood pressure! Based on my actions, I would be shocked if I didn't! Not to mention, I had gone several days, even weeks, without drinking water. So when I make a small progress in my journey, I celebrate. Cooking chicken breast and brussels sprouts? I am proud of myself, and why shouldn't I be? I decided enough is enough and didn't want to keep living a lifestyle that would lead to my inevitable demise. So I have a very obscure mindset on health and I have a very unhealthy relationship with my body.
Just this weekend past, I told Jennifer how I look in the mirror and insult myself and it shocked her. She told me to stop doing that and logically, I know she's right. Mentally, I just don't know that I will ever stop. I look at myself and say some downright mean and horrible things to myself. Not because I want pity or feel like I "deserve better" but because by tearing myself down, I believe that will motivate me to stop making those same mistakes again and again. Yet here I am at 337 lbs.
Actually, I probably am still at 337 lbs, if not heavier by a smidge now (due to the weekend) but I weighed myself last Wednesday and I was down to 334 lbs and I have no idea why. I'm a little lazier in the winter and especially in the ice/snow. I figured I would just eat better meals and play racquetball up until the weather got more agreeable and then I would up my ante and try to incorporate more days a week to the gym and hope to see progress from that.
No doubt my eating better has probably affected my body along with dropping to one soda a week most weeks but overall, I really haven't been doing much else. Cooking the chicken breast is great but I've also been guilty of making some box Velveeta macaroni and cheese for dinner and eating the whole box. For perspective, that's three servings per box at 370 calories each serving equaling a whopping 1,110 calories for dinner. Sure, you can pair that with a steamer bag of veggies but you still had over 1,000 calories in a single meal.
I'm not good at portions for things that don't fill me up in small amounts and I realize that I should probably think of Mac and Cheese as more of a side dish than an actual meal but when my dad made Mac and cheese from scratch growing up, he used an entire block of colby cheese and my plate was stacked full with three or four fish sticks and a big dollop of mayonnaise. That doesn't account for if I ate a second serving.
I give you all these examples to call myself out, these are examples of my life and I own them. My dad made the best Macaroni I had ever had and I don't know that I'll ever find a version that compares quite like his did. A lot of memories I remember involve food. Not a lot else worth remembering if I'm being honest so I have a fairly dysfunctional relationship with food.
I'll save the rest of my examples for a later post. The point I'm trying to make with this is that there are a lot of misconceptions I have about food, health and fitness. I tend to start "doing good" based on what I know only to realize very quickly that I was using flawed logic and wasn't doing any bit of good the entire time. Does a Chicken Pot Pie sound good? Sure it does! It has peas, carrots, chicken and some gravy. Is it healthy for you? Not when its wrapped up inside a big buttery flakey crust! I used to buy chicken pot pie from the freezer section and eat them for lunch thinking I was having a small, portioned and healthy meal. I was kidding myself!
When I tell you I thought it was healthy, I believed that with every fiber of my being and I was trying so hard to do right by my body and eat better (this was before I had learned to cook anything). There is no worthwhile frozen foods secret to health though. You cannot expect results from something not designed to help you and yet that's what I tried to do.
In closing, I want to say this. If you want something bad enough, you will persevere and keep pushing until you get it. Sometimes, the incline looks impossible. You might have to climb rather than walk. I have been living in an alcove on a cliffside and instead of climbing, I've moved into this hole to make no progress. Last year, I packed up my things and decided to climb. I've made literally ZERO progress on my weight but I've made some pretty big leaps in terms of my health. Sometimes what you see isn't the whole picture.
Thank you for taking the time to read todays post and I will continue to share recipes and my fitness journey. Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll lose weight AND gain some tasty new recipes to share! Either way, I'm more optimistic and happy with the choices I've made this past year.
Until next time, friends, have a great day!
No comments:
Post a Comment