Welcome back friends! Its Friday, a perfect day for an update. I started something on Tuesday of this week that I hope to commit to. Jennifer decided she wanted to do Whole30, which is something I had thought about doing a few years ago. I bought the Whole30 book, read it cover to cover, and decided that I wasn't strong willed enough to do it. Not to mention I lacked a lot of cooking skill involved in that. I really haven't learned too many new meals since reading that book but I do have enough confidence to try new things with existing recipes and I'm sure once I move in with Jennifer, my culinary skills will greatly expand.
That being said, I am not doing Whole30, as you might have guessed. Jennifer is though, for most of September. More to gain control of sugar addictions, which I can totally relate to. I could make a whole post about sugar addiction and what foods I crave the most. What I am doing though, instead, is getting back to the basics. I stopped using the MyFitnessPal app because I got lazy and told myself I can just spitball it and "eye it" when it comes to servings. Yeah...That hasn't gone well for me.
I have a love-hate relationship with control. More giving it up than having it, especially when it comes to food and what I put in the hole in my face. On Tuesday, I decided I would start using that app again and tracking everything. On top of that, I decided I would start drinking 60 ounces of water a day again. Not only did I cut back on my water intake, I stopped counting calories. A duo designed for spectacular failure!
So while I am down from my original 341 pounds, it's not by much. I got down to 336 pounds and then in the span of two and a half weeks, I went up to 339 pounds. Maybe that's partially water weight since this week I have been matching my goal of 60 ounces of water but that in no way excuses the fat I need to lose on my body. It is a sobering feeling to know that I was making progress and then took over the control that was already set in place for me and ruined almost all the progress I had made.
While I'm making confessions, I may as well be fully honest. I have been eating at home, every day, but I've also allowed more than one cheat meal every week. Not a half good cheat meal like a Chipotle bowl but more along the lines of Taco Bell bean burritos, QuikTrip taquitos or Freddy's onion rings. OH! Of course I get a soda with those meals too. I went through the headaches and trouble of breaking my soda addition and then I just go get myself a Dr Pepper or Mountain Dew like its an acceptable choice.
I am doing a soft reset.
I can't allow myself to keep making the same mistakes and live in the spiral of making good, healthy choices for breakfast and lunch only to ruin that with my dinner choices and make myself depressed about it, which then gives me guilt and has me wishing I could just not in be that control I talked about earlier. The next day, rinse and repeat.
No! This is unacceptable.
Honestly, I think its more a mental game than a physical one for me, personally. The longer I have kept this blog going, the more I have evolved in my thinking. I am keeping a chronicle of my journey for transparency, of course, but it's grown more to let you know that we are all flawed and those are what make us human. I want to make an impact in some capacity with my existence so maybe I'm supposed to have the struggles I'm experiencing because that's going to help someone else.
Maybe I'm getting to philosophical about it though. Either way, I don't like having questions floating above me that I can't answer but that's a whole different post. Probably not even a post, I'd probably talk about that on my podcast. The point though, being that I am doing this again. It's depressing, frustrating and honestly makes me wonder how I continue to get up and do this again, after so many previous failed attempts.
I think its the hard headed nature I got from my father. Lucky me! Though through my persistence, perhaps I'll find success.
Until next time friends, have a great day!