Soft Reset

     Welcome back friends! Its Friday, a perfect day for an update. I started something on Tuesday of this week that I hope to commit to. Jennifer decided she wanted to do Whole30, which is something I had thought about doing a few years ago. I bought the Whole30 book, read it cover to cover, and decided that I wasn't strong willed enough to do it. Not to mention I lacked a lot of cooking skill involved in that. I really haven't learned too many new meals since reading that book but I do have enough confidence to try new things with existing recipes and I'm sure once I move in with Jennifer, my culinary skills will greatly expand.

    That being said, I am not doing Whole30, as you might have guessed. Jennifer is though, for most of September. More to gain control of sugar addictions, which I can totally relate to. I could make a whole post about sugar addiction and what foods I crave the most. What I am doing though, instead, is getting back to the basics. I stopped using the MyFitnessPal app because I got lazy and told myself I can just spitball it and "eye it" when it comes to servings. Yeah...That hasn't gone well for me. 

    I have a love-hate relationship with control. More giving it up than having it, especially when it comes to food and what I put in the hole in my face. On Tuesday, I decided I would start using that app again and tracking everything. On top of that, I decided I would start drinking 60 ounces of water a day again. Not only did I cut back on my water intake, I stopped counting calories. A duo designed for spectacular failure!

    So while I am down from my original 341 pounds, it's not by much. I got down to 336 pounds and then in the span of two and a half weeks, I went up to 339 pounds. Maybe that's partially water weight since this week I have been matching my goal of 60 ounces of water but that in no way excuses the fat I need to lose on my body. It is a sobering feeling to know that I was making progress and then took over the control that was already set in place for me and ruined almost all the progress I had made. 

    While I'm making confessions, I may as well be fully honest. I have been eating at home, every day, but I've also allowed more than one cheat meal every week. Not a half good cheat meal like a Chipotle bowl but more along the lines of Taco Bell bean burritos, QuikTrip taquitos or Freddy's onion rings. OH! Of course I get a soda with those meals too. I went through the headaches and trouble of breaking my soda addition and then I just go get myself a Dr Pepper or Mountain Dew like its an acceptable choice. 

    I am doing a soft reset. 

    I can't allow myself to keep making the same mistakes and live in the spiral of making good, healthy choices for breakfast and lunch only to ruin that with my dinner choices and make myself depressed about it, which then gives me guilt and has me wishing I could just not in be that control I talked about earlier. The next day, rinse and repeat.

    No! This is unacceptable.

    Honestly, I think its more a mental game than a physical one for me, personally. The longer I have kept this blog going, the more I have evolved in my thinking. I am keeping a chronicle of my journey for transparency, of course, but it's grown more to let you know that we are all flawed and those are what make us human. I want to make an impact in some capacity with my existence so maybe I'm supposed to have the struggles I'm experiencing because that's going to help someone else. 

    Maybe I'm getting to philosophical about it though. Either way, I don't like having questions floating above me that I can't answer but that's a whole different post. Probably not even a post, I'd probably talk about that on my podcast. The point though, being that I am doing this again. It's depressing, frustrating and honestly makes me wonder how I continue to get up and do this again, after so many previous failed attempts. 

    I think its the hard headed nature I got from my father. Lucky me! Though through my persistence, perhaps I'll find success.

    Until next time friends, have a great day!

My Journey is uniquely my own

    Howdy hello everyone, 

    Its been awhile and I am here to explain why. I have been working hard at two things in my life lately. My finances and my relationship. I am still putting an importance on my health and wellbeing as I am trying to better my health FOR my relationship but I have made progress in that area enough to not need to hyper focus on it.

    I will say this, I need to calm down on eating out and make more consistent and better grocery lists but I am no longer seeing a personal trainer as I have two sessions remaining and the finances to buy more just aren't a possibility right now. What I am doing for now is playing raquetball on Mondays, walking on Wednesday's and working out at the gym on Thursdays/Saturdays. I have a four day a week routine that I try to follow as closely as I can. Weather and mood do affect that on occasion but generally, it works out pretty well. 

    I would like to add that while I'm trying to improve myself, I feel as though it will always be a struggle. As I have been eating out on occasion and watching what I eat at home, I find myself MORE interested in snacking than I ever was when I casually snacked on a regular basis. The only difference is now when I do that, I know what I'm doing and just feel bad about it. Not to a point, usually, where I get depressed, especially if I'm watching a show while I'm eating, but just a general sad acknowledgement that I am making a mistake and know I should not. If I buy ice cream or even last week when I bought soft pretzels, I knew there was no benefit to buying those items, yet I chose to do that anyway.

    I know I can get past this and I plan on doing that. However, I also know that it won't happen overnight. It's overstated on weight loss or fitness blogs but for those of us who have been overweight a majority of their lives, we have mindsets that someone with a high metabolism or better eating habits from a young age will never understand. It's a extra door with lock and key. That on top of the additional mental stress and personal disappointment we feel almost constantly.

    It doesn't mean we can't accomplish our goals and get to those healthy lifestyles we want or strive for, but it does mean we have to work even harder than the average Joe. I feel a sense or pride for anyone I see get to a healthy place from that kind of background. I know how hard they worked for that. Some of us will work our whole lives and even if we lose that weight, we still only win half the battle until our mind catches up with our bodies. If we never get there, some of us will only put our worth in our progress and any loss in that progress will be a notch in our mental health.

    If you can't relate to this, I applaud the fact that you are able to live a both mentally and physically healthy life. I truly envy you. However, if you do relate to this, know that you are not alone. I am living in an almost constant state of anxiety and fear. I can go to the gym three days a week and go for my Wednesday walks and eat Ice Cream on Friday night and feel like total garbage because I know the calories cancel out any work I put in that week at the gym.

    It's feels petty and stupid to say this but it's unfair. Honestly, its just unfair that our bodies are so easily uncalibrated at the taste of something too sweet. I would love to get to a place where my late night movie binge includes veggie trays instead of ice cream and brownies but I have to stay realistic awhile also being hopeful for that change. You can certainly argue though about self control and moderation, ect which is all valid but you have to remember  that even if you have one small brownie or scoop of ice cream, the calories alone in that overtake a whole 30 minutes of exercise.

    As we can all agree, eating a brownie a la mode is the best! Just this past weekend, Jennifer and I make some peanut butter fudge brownies and they were absolutely divine! If there's one flavor I think is an absolute weakness for me, it's peanut butter. I love a good PB&J, peanut butter cookies, brownies, cheesecake and ice cream. I love Peanut butter as a dip for graham crackers or pretzels. You will find me with a glass of milk having the best time. Lucky for me, I don't often find myself indulging in that.

    As I fall into a tangent, I will try to get back on track. The point I'm trying to make is that I am putting in the work for my fitness and health to be a priority but I've also been working a lot on other aspects of my life. I moved roles at my job into one that I think works a lot better for me. I have a really fancy new title as well. In this new role, I get to work emails in addition to taking calls and I have plenty of room for advancement where I'm currently at. It bodes well with my soul and hopefully, I see advancement in my near future as to align with my goals.

    Also, as I stated at the beginning of this post, I am working on my relationship as well. I am very much excited to have been blessed with Jennifer in my life. She saw something in me back when I was a security guard and at a time when I didn't think much of myself. I'm glad she took the risk of being my friend because as it evolved and our feelings for each other along with that, she has helped me realize that I am worth thinking highly of. I still have a long road of mental health and clarity ahead of me but I am a better man because of her. She has instilled in me a mindset that I can only repay to her with my actions. 

    I still spend the rest of my days trying to be the best version of myself for her. She helps me grow and constantly evolve. She reminds me how far I've come and encourages me to keep reaching for the stars above me, no matter how impossibly high they seem. As we've been together, I've realized it's time to take my mental health as seriously as I have my physical health (creating this blog, Instagram, PT sessions, ect) and when we get back from our anniversary trip at the end of September, I will be looking into finding a therapist. 

    

    I used to live in the mindset that having a therapist was admitting that you were broken, flawed or imperfect in ways that the world would never accept you for. As I've gotten older, I've seen a push for acceptance in mental health in adults. I've been raised to be "The man" of the house and to "toughen up" because that's what men do. Yet I've struggled with my self confidence and as I've shared before, I've beaten myself up more than once as a result, leading me down bouts of depression. I want to wake up and know that I'm doing everything I can to take care of myself. Mind, body and soul.

    I spend 2021 trying to work on my body and physical aspects of my life. While that's good, it's not beneficial when I eat late night snacks and get depressed about working out all week. I lose all progress when that happens and I take my mental health for a ride in the process. I think if I find the right professional, I will be able to better my mindset which will supercharge my motivation to do more and be more active. Obviously there is other, more personal, things I need to work through as well but I think that with time, I can see myself accomplishing my goals.

    My biggest goal for 2022 is to get my mind, body and soul aligned. I want to be in a place where I don't have to be afraid of who I see in the mirror or what I think will happen with I get the late night munchies. With all things, it will take time but I'm willing to put in the work. At first, I wanted to do this for Jennifer but as I got more into my goal of working out and into a steady habit of doing things on a regular schedule, the more I saw this was possible. Now I want this for myself as well, so I can finally prove to myself that I am worth caring about. It sounds bad but remember, I have a long road ahead of myself.

    Nobody is going to have a journey that matches mine and as I am uniquely on this road, I will continue to share my journey with you guys. Remember to follow me on social media and don't forget that I also have a podcast, Phat Love Talk. I will be posting on all my platforms and sharing my story. 

    Until next time, friends, have a great day!

The Evolution of Food Journals

    I hope this blog post finds you well because I have some news. I am no longer going to be logging my food journals. I have a reason behind that though. I started doing these food journals because I needed a way to hold myself accountable while also being practical about it. Logging a food journal was the logical choice in that scenario. However I have come to find out, as you've seen, that there are always gaps in my journal every week. 

    I know that it may seem like I am looking for a way to make things easier for myself but I'm actually doing quite the opposite. I knew that the food journal would be temporary and there would be an evolution of sorts to come from this. Let me catch you up to speed. I started seeing a personal trainer at my gym on the 15th of April and I've continued to see him every week, twice a week. That paired with playing racquetball now once a week instead of two means I'm working out three days a week.

    One day of cardio and two days of workouts. That's not all I'm doing now though. I have been trying to go to the park now with the weather clearing up and transitioning to spring. I am finally able to go on walks and enjoy the nice weather after work when I'm not scheduled overtime hours. My trainer wants me to walk one mile at least two or three additional days.

    Sad confession, he had me walk on the incline treadmill (that you move yourself) for five minutes and it wiped me out before we even started my first personal training session. I was spent before I had even started any of the workouts. The nice thing though is that we have a starting point. We can grow and overcome this now that we know where the bar is. I'm not one to back down from a challenge when I actually want the reward. 

    My trainer told me about an app called 'MyFitnessPal' and had me download it on my phone. This app is the evolution of my food journal! It lets me log my meals but it also counts my calories for each meal and also tracks how much water I'm drinking. My trainer wants me to drink 90 ounces of water a day. It seems pretty steep but there are days I meet it but most days, I haven't come close. He understands that and tells me to try to drink when I remember and as long as I'm getting 60 ounces, I'm making sure I stay hydrated.

    Since I only drink milk when I'm not drinking water, I don't have any problem getting 30 ounces a day, its just pushing to that extra 60 ounces a day is where I'm currently at. I log my meals, track my water and count my calories. It sounds like it's hard or a lot of work but really, it's just as easy as it would be to not track anything and eat like I used to.

    I'm literally eating less and feeling the same. Do I still have cravings? Yes! Do I still cheat? Yes! Do I still count those in my app? Yes! I just feel better and more determined this time around. I can't explain it any other way than to say that I don't want to eat fast food. I don't want to drink a soda with my meal. It's almost like a challenge that I've silently accepted and I want to win and see how far I can go. I felt faster at racquetball this past week and that could all be in my head but it feels good to smile about it and know that regardless, I am improving my health.

    I have a life of bucket list items to check off and I'll never get there living the lifestyle I have. My motivations are totally different this past year. They have been evolving the past few years honestly but it all culminated to 2021 when I finally decided enough was enough. I'm working overtime or I'm working on my health but I'm not binge eating anymore. Some people celebrate that but I just see that as one step in the progress I need to make (so long as you keep chips and dip away from me)!

    If you've followed me from the beginning (or from BEFORE the beginning), you know how hard it has been for me mentally to get past some of these barriers. I want to say I'm mentally stronger now but I just feel like I've opened a door that can still close from the other side. I can still fall victim to my own harsh criticism but what I'm doing to combat that is to not eat when I feel that way. I look for snacks when I feel a fake hunger and try to fight it. 

    I'm done feeling like crap about it though. I allow myself wiggle room but I log it and make sure I'm not going over my calories for that day and if I do go over on that day, I make a note that it can't happen again the following day. So basically what I'm saying is that I'm human. Absolutely 100% fat on my stomach and flawed human.

    So with my new App, I will still also continue to monitor my blood pressure and log that in my journal but I won't be writing down meals anymore or sharing them on here. Instead, what I'd like to do is share my blood pressure cuff results every week along with possibly sharing some of my favorite meals that week on my Instagram page. This blog goes hand-in-hand with that IG page so make sure you follow me at 'PhatLoveFit' if you want to see more of my meals or progress in my stories on a daily basis.

    Until next time, friends, have a great day!

Crockpot Hawaiian Meatballs

     Today I am going to share with you an easy recipe Jennifer taught me using your crockpot! This is the first time I'll have used my crockpot on my own without being with Jennifer and I am so excited to share what you saw on my past weeks food diary!

    The first thing you'll want to do is pull out your meatballs of choice from the freezer and put them in the crockpot (mine is still unplugged but feel free to have yours warming up as you do this).

Next, you'll want to get your barbeque sauce of choice and put it on the frozen meatballs inside the crockpot. If you don't want to worry about a mess, you can always put a liner bag in the crockpot beforehand but I have a big crockpot so choose not to as I was going to run the dishwasher that night anyway.

    From here, turn your crockpot on low heat for eight hours or high heat for for roughly four hours. I made mine on low heat as I was working and needed them to be cooking for the longer allotment. 

    Next, you'll want wait  to grab your cans of pineapple chunks and put them in the crockpot. My rule of thumb here is one can for two bags, two cans for four or more bags of meatballs. Either way, you want to wait until you get to the halfway point of cooking to put these pineapple chunks in the crockpot as you don't want to overcook the pineapple. Put them in at two hours for high heat and at the four hour mark for low heat.

    From here just let them cook the rest of the way and at the end, you'll have some delicious hawaiian meatballs!

Ingredients

• Meatballs (of choice)
• Barbeque Sauce (of choice)
• Pineapple Chunks (canned)

Instructions (low heat)

1. Open meatballs and put into crockpot
2. Add barbeque sauce
3. Turn on low heat for eight hours
4. At four hours, add pineapple chunks
5. Stir pineapple chunks into meatballs
6. Wait until eight hours is over and enjoy!

    Until next time, friends, have a great day!

Food Diary: Week of April 12th - April 18th

    Its the second full week of April and I finally logged my blood pressure six of the seven days along with having logged almost every meal. This is my most successful week at logging my food. I have some exciting posts coming in the next week, maybe two, so stay tuned!

Monday 04/12/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• 147 SYS
• 92 DIA
• 62 PUL

Breakfast

• Pancakes
• Four Sausage Patties
• 1% Milk

Break One

• Two Oranges

Lunch

• Ham and Cheese Slices (No Bread)
• Two Oranges

Break Two

• Two Rice Cakes

Dinner

• One Brat
• Chips and French Onion Dip

Tuesday 04/13/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• 142 SYS
• 92 DIA
• 62 PUL

Breakfast

• Breakfast Burritos
• Three Eggs
• Two Sausage Patties
• 1% Milk

Lunch

• 2 Brats
• Chips and Deans French Onion Dip

Dinner

• Crockpot Hawaiian Meatballs
• (Meatballs in barbeque sauce with pineapple)

Snack

• Microwave Popcorn

Wednesday 04/14/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• 150 SYS
• 101 DIA
• 80 PUL

Breakfast

• Breakfast Burritos
• Three Eggs
• Two Sausage Patties
• 1% Milk

Break One

• Ranch Rice Crisps

Lunch

• 1 Brat
• Small bowl of meatballs

Dinner

• Two Cheeseburgers

    To give a little foresight to why my snack was the same as my dinner, I had a throbbing headache after playing a video game and I took some ibuprofen before decided to eat something to help with the headache. That plus I'm going on a week with no soda, this is when the caffeine headaches start to hit. I should have eaten some grapes but they didn't sound good at the time. Excuses aside, that's my explanation.

Snack

• Two Cheeseburgers (no bread, patty only)

Thursday 04/15/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• Forgot

Breakfast

• Honey Nut Cheerios Medley Cereal

Break One

• Cheddar Rice Crisps

Lunch

• Two Cheeseburgers
• Two Oranges

Break Two

• Two Oranges

Dinner

• Hawaiian Meatballs

Friday 04/16/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• 159 SYS
• 105 DIA
• 83 PUL

Breakfast

• Breakfast Burritos
• Three Eggs
• Two Sausage Patties

Lunch

• Hawaiian Meatballs

Saturday 04/17/21

Breakfast

• Multigrain Cheerios Cereal

Lunch

• Hawaiian Meatballs

Dinner

• Skipped

Snacks

• Tootsie Rolls
• Watermelon Flavored Licorice
• Green Grapes

Sunday 04/18/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• 143 SYS
• 87 DIA
• 69 PUL

Breakfast

• Breakfast Burritos
• Two Eggs
• Small bowl of multigrain cheerios

Break One

• Two Caramel Rice Cakes with Peanut Butter

Lunch

• Hawaiian Meatballs

Dinner

• Three Soft Shell Tacos (Ground beef 93% Lean)

    Until next time, friends, have a great day!

Food Diary: Week of April 5th - April 11th

    The first week of April has dawned and I will admit, I feel good about this month. As the weather gets warmer, I get excited to think about all the new opportunities it brings, especially with vaccines for Covid-19 getting out to my friends and family. Soon, I'll be able to wave a strangers at the park or invite someone to a random session of frisbee toss. I find myself eager to see where April takes me. Before I get to invested in that and makes this a whole post on its own, lets share this weeks Food Diary.

Monday 04/05/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• 154 SYS
• 102 DIA
• 89 PUL

Breakfast

• Breakfast Burritos
• Three Eggs
• Four Sausage Patties
• Two Oranges
• One Doughnut
• 1% Milk

Break One

• One Serving Ranch Rice Chips

Lunch

• Two Chicken Tacos

Dinner

• One Cheeseburger
• Corn on the Cob
• Potato

Tuesday 04/06/21

    I had an appointment with my doctor (Physical) on this day so I had a late breakfast and one break at work this day.

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• Forgot

Late Breakfast

• Cinnamon Chex Cereal (1% Milk in bowl)

Late Lunch

• Two Chicken Tacos

Break (at work)

• Two Oranges
• Two Rice Cakes
• One Serving Ranch Rice Chips

Dinner

• Two Cheeseburgers
• One bag of Steamed Corn

Snack

• Andes Chocolate Pieces
• Sonic Blast with Cookie Dough and M&M

Wednesday 04/07/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• 146 SYS
• 92 DIA
• 74 PUL

Breakfast

• Two Eggs
• Two Sausage Patties
• Toast
• 1% Milk

    I didn't log my break on this day or dinner so I don't have those to share on this day.

Lunch

• Chicken Corn Chowder
• Ritz Crackers

Thursday 04/08/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• 160 SYS
• 92 DIA
• 65 PUL

Breakfast

• Two Eggs
• Two Sausage Patties
• Toast
• 1% Milk

Break One

• Two Oranges

Lunch

• Ham and Cheese Sandwich

Dinner

• Two Cheeseburgers
• 3D Doritos (Whole Bag)
• Four Cupcakes
• One Serving Ranch Lays

    I did not take my blood pressure cuff results for the remainder of the weekend. As you can see in the picture I take there isn't any room to include everything in the weekend so I will have to get creative but for now, I have not been checking on the weekends. Also this is my "long weekend" which means I do not have to work Friday.

Friday 04/09/21

Breakfast

• Two Burger King Croissant Sandwiches
• Dr Pepper

Lunch

• Two slices of ham and cheese (no bread)
• Two Oranges
• Two Cupcakes

Dinner

• Forgot

Saturday 04/10/21

Dinner

• Johnn Casconne's Italian Restaurant
• Fried Cheese Appetizer
• Alfredo with Chicken

Sunday 04/11/21

Breakfast

• Three Eggs
• 1% Milk

Dinner

• Two Brats
• Chips

Snack

Slice of Cake

    Until next time, friends, have a great day!

Food Diary: Week of March 29th - April 4th

     Here we are in the last week of March, logging yet another week of my food decisions. I was pretty bad again about logging stuff but April is a new month and hopefully this is when I get in the habit of doing things. I started a binge of bad foods and drive thru windows the last few weeks and I am upset with myself for that. I have chicken breast in the fridge, already cooked and shredded, as I type this up so expect to see some better meals at the tail end of this week. I also might give up soda all together, with the exception of certain occasions. I just don't like the taste of Dr Pepper anymore, at least not from tap. Discussing if I do or don't give up soda is a totally different post though. Until then, here is my food diary for the last week of March.

Monday 03/29/21

• Skipped

Tuesday 03/30/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• 163 SYS
• 102 DIA
• 65 PUL

Wednesday 03/31/21

• Skipped

Thursday 04/01/21

• Skipped

Friday 04/02/21

Lunch

• Chicken Noodle Soup

Dinner

• Two Quesadillas
• 3D Ranch Doritos

Saturday 04/03/21

Breakfast

• Four Rice Cakes

Lunch

• Joes Kansas City BBQ
• Kings Hawaiin Z-Man
• Onion Rings

Dinner

• Two Quesadillas
• 3D Doritos

Snack

• Half Mint Andes Bar

Sunday 04/04/21

Breakfast

• Cereal

Break One

• Three Rice Cakes
• Two Oranges

Lunch

• One Chicken Taco
• Potatoes

Break Two

• Quarter Mint Andes Bar
• Two Oranges

Dinner

• Two Cheeseburgers (bought from HyVee)
• 3D Doritos
• Three Doughnuts

    Until next time, friends, have a great day!

March Food Diary Thoughts

     We are closing out the last week of March, which marks a full month of these Food Diary posts. I know they aren't the most entertaining to read and they certainly aren't my favorite, as I am disclosing my bad eating habits for everyone to see along with sharing my high blood pressure results. Though I was forgetful, the point of this food diary is to, more than anything, hold myself accountable and I think, whether I log my meals or not, I will want these to show improvement more than stagnation in my eating habits. I think that's what I'm personally getting out of these. 

    March may have looked bad but if you saw my eating habits from 2020, I have come leaps and bounds from where I was. That's no reason to stop now though because I still have habits to break, chains to unbind myself from and obstacles to climb. The biggest one is my frequency of working out. That's what I'll be working on in April. I have 20 Personal Training sessions with my gym that I got on a deal (very thankful for that). I am going to use those and hold myself accountable in my eating habits. I need to break my own laziness and need to have "quick and easy" stop being the reason why I continue to eat bad. I can't keep justifying my actions. 

    Jennifer has told me that she wants me to succeed but I have to want that too so we are considering playing racquetball once a week now instead of twice. She is already doing two other activities a week on top of the twice a week racquetball plus with Spring upon us, we'll be going out together to enjoy this nice weather at the parks or checking out trails, etc. 

    I have always felt like a burden to others but with Jennifer, I refuse to ever become that. I know this sounds silly but I want to be the best version of myself for her. I have a lot of head noise telling me all the reasons why I shouldn't care and how it's easier to just take the easy road and if I'm being honest, that's worked for my entire life up to this point. Now, I have fallen in love with a woman who is ambitious and strong-willed and wants to explore the world and live a healthy lifestyle.

    When we were friends, I never thought she would ever want someone like me because all my doubts and insecurities told me I was in too many ways wrong for her. A half decade later though, here I am feeling like the luckiest man in the world. The lottery hasn't got anything on me. So here I am in a crossroads. I've always talked a big talk about losing weight and going to the gym. Now that has to mean something! It all comes down to this.

    I can't do this for Jennifer because I'll burn out. I have to do this for me. I'm going to start this because of my love for her but I'm going to commit to this because of my actual NEED to improve my health, my lifestyle and my mind. All the noise in my head is telling me to stop because I'm doing enough learning how to cook but I have this feeling deep in my soul that tells me I'm meant for more than where I am. I have a purpose and I'm wavering from that by living in this lifestyle. 

    That changes in April.

    Until next time, friends, have a great day!

Doctors Visit

     So my annual doctor visit came around this past week and with no surprise, I am still fat and need to do work to improve. Before anyone gets upset at that phrasing, I do not find the word 'fat' to be a bad one. It describes your body type, albeit not in a charming way, which is all I am doing. That being said, my doctor did not outright tell me I'm fat or use any body describing words. I like my doctor because he tells me about my health and not about my weight. He will mention losing weight would help but never using descriptors in regards to my body.

    So how did my visit go? Overall well. I still have high blood pressure but because of it staying high, even on my high blood pressure pills, my doctor is going to increase the dosage of my pills and encourage me to continue working on my health. He also told me that several numbers that were high have gone down. Not by a lot, mostly by less than 1.0, but they are going down. 

    I do not expect things to change overnight but I did expect better results to come back. I am still pre diabetic so I'm riding that line (though the doctor did say those numbers got better). I just thought that by starting to cook chicken breast at home and eating out less, my health would start getting better automatically. I honestly don't understand why eating out less hasn't shown me any results. I guess I have to try harder to implement exercise with my eating out less to really see those results. 

    We discussed a few other things and then we decided on doing another bloodwork test in April with a follow-up visit in March but I just can't help but feel frustrated that I still have almost nothing to show for my efforts. I know it's a lot to ask and honestly, none of this would be an issue if I had been raised with better foods in my diet but nevertheless, as an adult, it's up to me to make these changes and I will.

    Not a long post today, just wanted to discuss the few things we talked about and let you know that I am making progress, albeit one smaller than expected step at a time.

    Until next time, friends, have a great day!

Food Diary: Week of March 22th - March 28th

    So this week is full of mistakes as I didn't log for Monday or Tuesday and barely logged Wednesday. I am only human however and had a busy week. I ended up forgetting but I will get back on track with a little time. That being said, lets proceed to my daily logs I do have.

Wednesday 03/24/21

Dinner

• Subway
• Spicy Italian on wheat

Thursday 03/25/21

Breakfast

• Sonic breakfast burrito
• Tots
• Dr. Pepper

Lunch

• Two slices of ham/cheese
• Two Halo Oranges
• One Slice Watermelon
• One Lemon Bar (70 Calorie)

Dinner

• Canes Chicken
• Four Strip (Box Combo)
• Sweet Tea

Friday 03/26/21

Breakfast

• Pancakes
• 1% Milk

Lunch

• Frozen Pizza

Dinner

• Chinese Buffet

Saturday 03/27/21

Breakfast

• Skipped

Lunch

• HyVee Sub Sandwich
• Chips

Dinner

• Red Robin Burger
• Onion Rings

Sunday 03/28/21

Breakfast

• Bowl of Applejacks cereal

Lunch

• Brats
• Brussels Sprouts
• Jalapeño Poppers

Dinner

• Freddy's double with cheese
• Onion Rings

    You can see where I went wrong this week. On top of that, I've had a pretty busy and distracting week so I am getting this food journal out late to you because of that. Though this is a fitness blog, I'm not opposed to sharing more of my life if you'd like. You can always view my main Instagram (phatlove) if you would like to follow me there or perhaps you want to find me on Snapchat (phatlove) which you're welcome to follow me on as well. Either way, I apologize for getting this out to you guys late. I will *try* to be better about my posts going forward. 

    Lastly, I just want to throw out into the ether that I am going to be bringing back my podcast from mid 2020. Due to COVID-19 and my podcast being about movies, video games and entertainment, I really haven't been able to post about the games, shows, etc. that I personally found interesting and I've also learned that podcast episodes don't have to be 30+ minutes long every time so I'm going to do more bite size episodes in the future and break up the topics so they're easy to listen to and digest. If you're interested in listening to that, my podcast is called 'Phat Love Talk'. As you'll hear me say quite often if you follow me though, nothing but love from me!

    Until next time, friends, have a great day!

The classic PB&J recipe!

     Today I want to give you one of my classic go-to recipes that I've known longer than any other. The one and only peanut butter and jelly sandwich! I love the way the flavors can match up and taste in a collision on bread! Not only is it a great recipe, it won't break the bank like some other bigger, fuller recipes will. No sir! No ma'am! This one is keeping things easy on the wallet.

    The first thing you want to do is prepare your bread. Either put two slices on a paper towel or pull a plate from your cabinet and place the bread on it. Once the bread is prepared, you want to pull your peanut butter from your cabinet or shelf and find your jelly of choice in the fridge. Generally, the rule of thumb is peanut butter on one piece of bread and jelly on the other creating a mash-up of flavors only believed to by myth. However, if you are feeling daring or bold, you can put peanut butter on both, yes both, pieces of bread along with your jelly of choice on, again, both pieces of bread!

    Some might call you crazy, others might call you a pioneer or even trailblazer in the sandwich community. Either way, you are being bold and possibly irrational so know that ahead of time. The last thing you want to do is place your peanut butter/jelly side on top of the other matching piece of bread so the bread on on the outside layer of both sides. You then have the option to eat this sandwich with your hands or you can go the traditional route and use a knife and fork combo.

Ingredients

• Peanut Butter (of choice)
• Jelly (of choice)
• Bread (of choice)

Instructions

1. Place your bread on plate/paper towel
2. Spread your peanut butter on bread
3. Spread your jelly on bread
4. Place peanut butter/Jelly side on top of the matching other piece
5. Enjoy!

    Until next time, friends, have a great day!

Food Diary: Week of March 15th - March 21st

    This weekend , I went to visit my brother for my nephews 3rd birthday. As a result, I didn't check my blood pressure through the weekend. However, I did log most of what I ate still and though it's mostly not good, I'm going to be honest about what I ate. Spoiler, not a lot of water.

Monday 03/15/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• 142 SYS
• 99 DIA
• 73 PUL

Breakfast

• Three Eggs
• Two Sausage Patties
• Toast and Grape Jelly
• 1% Milk

Break 1

• Ranch Crisps

Lunch

• 2 Bologna slices with Cheese
• Cheddar Crisps
• Thailand Flavored Wavy Chips (Aldi's)

Break 2

• Pretzels
• 1% Milk

Dinner

• Cheeseburgers
• Gummy Worms

Tuesday 03/16/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• 150 SYS
• 94 DIA
• 62 PUL

Breakfast

• Cinnamon Chex Cereal

Break 1

• Caramel Crisps

Lunch

• Cheeseburgers

Break 2

• Ranch Crisps

Dinner

• Alfredo Mushroom Pasta
• Bread and Butter

Snacks

• 4 Butter Cookies

Wednesday 03/17/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• 153 SYS
• 97 DIA
• 64 PUL

Breakfast

• Breakfast Burritos
• Three Eggs
• Sausage
• Ham
• 1% Milk

Break 1

• Ranch Crisps

Lunch

• Three slices Bologna
• Cheddar Crisps

Break 2

• N/A

Dinner

• N/A

Thursday 03/18/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• 147 SYS
• 99 DIA
• 62 PUL

    I didn't log anything for Thursday. I had an appointment for bloodwork in the morning so I had to fast and then forgot to log anything for the entire day. Pretty sure I had cereal for breakfast but I can't remember so I'm going to move onto Friday.

Friday 03/19/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• 157 SYS
• 102 DIA
• 72 PUL

Breakfast

• Two Hy-Vee Gas Station Breakfast sandwiches

Lunch

• Zio's
• Mamma Platter (thats what my brother called it)
• Fettuccini
• Lasagna
• Spaghetti and meatballs

Dinner

• 2 slices of Pizza Hut pizza

Snack

• 2 Lemon Bars (70 Calories each)

Saturday 03/20/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• N/A

Breakfast

• Breakfast Burritos (not mine)
• Sausage
• Egg
• Cheese

Lunch

• N/A

Dinner

• N/A

Sunday 03/21/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• N/A

Breakfast

• McDonald's
• Sausage, Egg, Cheese McGriddle
• Sausage Biscuit
• Dr Pepper

Lunch

• Mr Goodcents 12" Sub
• Garden Salsa Sun Chips

Snack

• Mini Candy Bars
• 1 Hy-Vee Fresh Chocolate Chip Cookie
• 2 Hy-Vee Fresh Brown Cookies

Dinner

• Four Chicken Tacos (made at home)
• Shredded Chicken Breast
• Sour Cream
• Hot Sauce
• Cheese

    Overall, I think this was a pretty successful week. No week is perfect and I drank more soda than I have in awhile over the week while I was with my brother but thats fine because I'll make up for it this week. I am going to enjoy my family when I can and stay focused when I also can. I don't usually drink as much water out of town anyway, I'm used to my water. 

    Until next time, friends, have a great day!

Food Diary: Week of March 8th - March 14th

    I'm going to be honest from the start, this was a bad week. I ate out more than I should have, forgot to check my blood pressure before breakfast for the last half of the week and I also drank soda more than once. I'm human but as I acknowledge that, I also know that we are reaching spring weather very quickly and in doing so, I am hoping I can counteract my decisions in food with added exercise in the nice weather we are hopefully about to have. Until then, these food diaries might be more revealing about my habits than I'd like to share or admit but I will continue them nevertheless.

Monday 03/08/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• 150 SYS
• 97 DIA
• 62 PUL

Breakfast

• Breakfast Burritos (four eggs)
• 1% Milk

Break 1

• Chips

Lunch

• Chicken Breast
• Chips

Break 2

• N/A

Dinner

• Wendy's Drive Thru
• Spicy Chicken Sandwich

Tuesday 03/09/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• 154 SYS
• 92 DIA
• 63 PUL

Breakfast

• Breakfast Burritos (Three eggs/sausage)
• 1% Milk

Break 1

• Pretzel crisps and ranch dip

Lunch

• Ham and cheese sandwich
• Chips (Cheddar crisps)

Break 2

• Pretzel crisps and ranch dip (very addicting)

Dinner

• N/A

Wednesday 03/10/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• N/A (Forgot)

Breakfast

• 3 Eggs
• 1% Milk

Break 1

• N/A

Lunch

• Chicken Drumsticks

Break 2

• N/A

Dinner

• Freddy's Drive Thru
• Chicken Sandwich
• Double Cheeseburger
• Onion Rings

Thursday 03/11/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• N/A

Breakfast

• Breakfast Burritos (3 eggs/sausage)
• 1% Milk

Break 1

• Chips (Ranch crisps)
• Banana

Lunch

• Chicken Drumsticks
• Brussels Sprouts
• Corn

Break 2

• Chips (Cheddar crisps)
• Banana

Dinner

• N/A

Friday 03/12/21 (Off work)

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• N/A

Breakfast

• Burger King Sourdough Breakfast Sandwich
• Potato crowns (Large)
• Dr Pepper (Large)

Lunch

• N/A (Skipped)

Dinner

• Two Hot Dogs (no buns)
• Bread + Butter

Saturday 03/13/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• N/A (Forgot)

Breakfast

• First Watch
• The Works Omelet (No tomato/onion)

Lunch

• Two Cheeseburgers
• Chips (3D Spicy Ranch Doritos)

Snack

• Chips (3D Spicy Ranch Doritos)
• Whole Bag

Dinner

• Chicken Drumsticks
• Brussels Sprouts

Sunday 03/14/21 (OT at work 10:30am - 3:30pm) 

(No lunch break)

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• N/A

Breakfast

• Cereal (Cinnamon Chex)

Break 1

• Chips (Cheddar crisps)

Lunch

• N/A (No lunch scheduled, skipped)

Dinner

• Asian Eatery
• Mushroom Ramen
• Beef(?) Bao
• Asian Rib Appetizer

Snack (after dinner)

• Three Krispy Kreme Doughnuts

    I still made a ton of mistakes this week and also forgot to write everything down. This is only the beginning but that doesn't mean I'll shy away from the truth that I ate some bad foods. That being said, I will keep track this next week and report back with another food diary.

    Until next time, friends, have a great day!

Truly easy cheeseburgers

    You knew this one was coming, right? How easy are cheeseburgers? Sure, everyone cooks them different but the process is still the same! I have known how to make cheeseburgers for awhile but haven't made them since learning how to make chicken breast many months back at this point. That being said, I wanted to go ahead and start taking those steps towards progress in my culinary skills make something that I haven't made in awhile that will feel new. I have some groceries now that will make for some fun recipes to share with you all but for now, here is my truly easy cheeseburger recipe.

    The first thing you do is prep the  meat. You can buy either the patties or the ground beef and ball it up yourself. I went with the easy route for these because they were on sale and I couldn't resist with how good they looked, plus it means I can make more than one meal.

    Literally the next thing you do is put them on the stovetop or grill, whichever you are using, and add salt/pepper and wait about 5 minutes for them to cook on the bottom before flipping them to the other side for roughly the same amount of time.

    Once those are cooked on both sides, you want to get a slice of cheese out of the fridge and place it atop your patties while they are still cooking so they can melt on your patty. You then want to make sure you've prepared your hamburger buns with your favorite condiments at the ready. Remove the patties from the stove when the cheese is nice and melted to your liking and place them on your bun.

Ingredients

• Patties
• Hamburger Buns
• Salt/Pepper
• Cheese of preference
• Condiments of choice

Instructions

1. Ready your stovetop
2. Place patty (two if they fit) on your skillet
3. Add salt/pepper to patties and let cook for 4-5 minutes
4. Flip patty and add salt/pepper and let cook for another 4-5 minutes
5. Check middle of patty to ensure fully cooked
6. Add slice of cheese to top of patties for one minute to melt
7. Remove patty and place on hamburger bun
8. Add condiments of choice and enjoy

    Until next time, friends, have a great day!

Food Diary: Week of March 1st - March 7th

    I am going to be better going forward about listing what KIND of chips, cereal, yogurt, ect because I didn't think about that when I was making this list. Everything takes time to get perfect. Also stay tuned for a grocery post where I show pictures of what I buy! For now, here is my weekly food diary.

    Monday 03/01/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• 151 SYS
• 98 DIA
• 55 PUL

Breakfast

• 3 eggs
• Chobani yogurt (lemon)
• 1% Milk

Break 1

• Chips

Lunch

• Bologna Sandwich
• Chips

Break 2

• Oranges

Dinner

• Freddy's
• (Do Not Remember Order)

    Tuesday 03/02/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• N/A

Breakfast

• Cereal (Peanut Butter Chex)

Break 1

1. Chips

Lunch

• Ham Sandwich
• Chips

Break 2

• N/A

Dinner

• Chicken
• Potatoes

    Wednesday 03/03/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• N/A

Breakfast

• Cereal (Peanut Butter Chex)

Break 1

• Chips

Lunch

• Ham Sandwich
• Chips

Break 2

• Grapes
• Pretzels
• Gummy worms

Dinner

• Chicken
• Potatoes

    Thursday 03/04/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• N/A

Breakfast

• 3 eggs (breakfast burittos)
• 1% Milk

Break 1

• N/A

Lunch

• Chicken
• Potatoes

Break 2

• N/A

Dinner

• Skipped (Distracted playing Bravely Default 2 all night)

    Friday 03/05/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• 138 SYS
• 93 DIA
• 54 PUL

Breakfast

• 2 eggs
• Pancakes
• Sausage
• 1% Milk

Break 1

• Chips

Lunch

• Chicken
• Potatoes

Break 2

• 4 cookies (One Serving) (Butter Cookies)
• Orange
• Banana

Dinner

• N/A

    Saturday 03/06/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• N/A

Breakfast

• Skipped

Break 1 (late breakfast) (Off Day)

• Orange

Lunch

• Joes BBQ
• Rocket Pig Sandwich
• Fries
• Onion Rings
• Soda (Dr Pepper) (One Refill)

Dinner

• Skipped
• Popcorn (at the movies)
• Reeces Pieces (at the movies)
• Soda (Dr Pepper)

    Sunday 03/07/21

Blood Pressure Cuff Results

• N/A

Breakfast

• 3 eggs
• orange
• 1% milk

Lunch

• Chicken
• Potatoes
• Veggies Medley

Dinner

• Texas Road House
• 6 oz steak (medium rare)
• chicken critters
• mashed potatoes (white gravy)
• corn
• 4 rolls
• fried pickles

    Obviously I'm not going out every weekend but this weekend I had plans set in motion for awhile. Jennifer and I wanted to see Chaos Walking Saturday and we also made plans the following day with her friend and boyfriend. Generally Jennifer and I like to try a new recipe every week or sometimes we will just make something we really like but still cook at home. I am just thrilled that I got through my first week. I wasn't as easy as I had hoped but it certainly isn't hard. With time, I will get it down. Last thing I will say, if I drank water with my meal, I won't mention a beverage. When I show milk, soda, ect...That is a meal I didn't have water with (unless mentioned).

    Until next time, friends, have a great day!

Fear of failure and lack of accountability

     As I progress further into my fitness journey, I realize how difficult it is to branch out. Not in terms of wanting to branch out in the kitchen or even looking at videos for new meal ideas and executing them but more in the sense that I am letting fear of the unknown keep me from trying new things. It has been exciting and honestly quite exhilarating to learn the new recipes I have learned and can make without instructions now yet I haven't branched out on my own to try a new recipe I find online, regardless of how tasty it looks. Don't get my wrong, trying new things sounds fun! I save lots of videos and even Jennifer sends me tasty looking (and easy) recipe ideas! So why do I have this fear?

    I think if I look deep inside of myself (deeper than I would ever venture), I would see that I have a abstract view on failure that probably goes deeper than just in the kitchen. I'm not seeing a professional right now so I certainly won't delve deeper into that than I have to, especially right now. I do, however, think that its ridiculous to feel so fantastic about making a recipe with Jennifer and then when I'm alone, I won't try something new myself. I have had a crockpot since Christmas 2019 and I haven't used it even once (by myself) because I've been afraid of messing up the recipe yet isn't that what cooking is? Someone put a bunch of things together and tried it to see if it worked. Who decided what spices were good with the dishes we love today? Who decided that salt and pepper go great together?

    Perhaps I'm overthinking things or, especially, oversimplifying things but it makes you wonder. At least, it makes me want to know more about how the original pioneers of the kitchen were so bold as to try something new and foreign yet come out the other side with a truly original recipe. I often times wonder how I got to where I am in life. I grew up in a very different environment from the one I am in now and if I've learned one thing from my life, its that things DO get better. I went from eating fast food at least six days a week to eating fast food maybe once a week.

    I am proud of the person I have become mostly because of the level of progress I've made within myself. Sure, I didn't stay on the writers path and publish a novel before I turned 25 like I had planned but that doesn't make me a failure, it makes me human. I made lofty goals with no ambition to back them. I wanted to read so many books a year but never got to double digit numbers. I say all this because I want to hold myself accountable but yet the accountability never really hits me like it would a normal person. I know I should feel bad but mostly shrug off the failure as another example of the way my life has always gone.

    2020 changed something in me. Maybe it was partially because of the Corona Virus keeping me at home all the time but I realized I had more time at home and I couldn't go out to eat at my favorite restaurants. I made one weekly trip outside to the grocery store and that was my "outside time". I would stay in my apartment and order Door Dash a lot. Enough to the point where I looked at my bank account one month and realized I was dead broke. I had savings, sure, but my checking was tapped. 

    That was the wake up call I needed. I cancelled my Dash Pass and started learning to cook. 

    Okay so it didn't happen all at once but the gist of it is that Jennifer and I were already cooking at her place so when I saw that my Dash Pass was saving me delivery fees but my ordering out more was costing me more than I was saving in the long run, I realized I needed to make a change. I have always been fairly transparent with Jennifer so we had a pretty real conversation about it and I came to the conclusion that perhaps what I put into my body wasn't the smartest, at that time or ever.

    Jump forward again and you'll see me prepping a meal every week for dinner. Sometimes, I will have something prepared for lunch but usually I just make sandwiches because it's easy and I get to use my 45 calorie multi grain bread. Cooking is great and I'm not at the point where I have a fleshed out catalog of meals I can pull from but I also have the basics down. I make chicken breast almost every week. I sometimes eat chicken breast for lunch and make chicken quesadillas for dinner.

    Other times I might make chicken breast, cut it up or shred it and make chicken tacos. There are so many options with chicken, especially when you season it differently. I just love chicken so much. So many people have told me the same thing every week would drive them crazy. I love ground beef, seafood, sandwiches and the like but I have never gotten bored of chicken. I do, however, get bored of making ground beef or other foods so I guess chicken just has that special quality!

    So that brings me to my next point, accountability. As you can tell from the title of this post, I was going to transition here somehow and here we are. If you are following my Instagram page (IG: phatlovefit) I started to go side-by-side with this blog, you will know that I recently posted about starting a food diary of sorts and tracking what I'm eating every day, along with checking my blood pressure on a daily basis. It was a rough first week as I forgot to check my blood pressure most days and didn't remember to log everything I ate this first week. With time, I feel like it will improve. Like anything, it will be hard to adjust to a "new" normal but I want to make sure I'm keeping track of everything and with sharing most of what I know in the kitchen already, future posts will be first attempts at new recipes if I can get over my fear of trying something new.

    Due to my food diary being lengthy in the way I will format it, I will make those posts separately. I want to make sure I don't make these posts too long as I know some readers will see the length of my posts and wonder why I never DID post a novel (trust me, its on the to-do list)! I appreciate each and every reader who either stumbles across my blog or chooses to click the links I share across various sites. It means the world to me that you even clicked, albeit out of curiosity or support for someone you may know.

    Until next time, friends, have a great day!

Delicious Chicken Drumsticks

    I've come to learn that all chicken  recipes are almost the same. This post almost feels redundant as I am giving you basically the EXACT same instructions as I did for the Chicken Breast recipe yet I still decided to post this. The main reason was that, even though it is almost the same instructions, its still a different meal. If I were writing to myself as a newbie to the kitchen, I would still want these instructions because I feel good visually seeing the name of the recipe and it gives me a sense of accomplishment following along. 

    That's how I've learned every recipe I've taken on and that's how I'll continue to learn new recipes until I get so confident (would I ever dare) that I venture into experimentation. Without further delay, here is my chicken drumsticks recipe!

    The first thing I always do is pull out the chicken and admire it. It's okay to acknowledge how far you have come since you started cooking and for me, I like to appreciate the moments that give me that feeling. After I do that, I proceed to open the chicken and apply my seasoning. 

    The usual salt, pepper and optional additional seasonings (on both sides) on my drumsticks ensure that the flavor will be to my liking. Once completed, make sure you have the oven preheated to 350 degrees and cook for 45 minutes to an hour. The cook time varies based on a few factors. One, your preference. Secondly, the way your oven cooks. You should know your oven best and can determine the best cook time. I like to play it safe and cook it on the longer end of that time

    Stick a fork into the drumstick and make sure it's cooked thoroughly before setting yourself a plate and enjoying a nice home cooked meal. With confidence, I can say that chicken is my favorite thing to cook right now and I hope to share more chicken recipes with you in the future. I appreciate you taking the time to read todays post and I look forward to hearing your drumstick stories and seeing pictures of your creations! Reach out to me via my Instagram page (phatlovefit) and I will be sure to respond! 

Ingredients

• Salt
• Pepper
• Seasoning (optional)

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees
2. Prepare chicken with drumsticks laying opposite of the one next to it
3. Season chicken with salt, pepper and (optional) seasoning of choice
4. cook for 45 - 60 minutes or until thoroughly cooked

    Until next time, friends, have a great day!