We are closing out the last week of March, which marks a full month of these Food Diary posts. I know they aren't the most entertaining to read and they certainly aren't my favorite, as I am disclosing my bad eating habits for everyone to see along with sharing my high blood pressure results. Though I was forgetful, the point of this food diary is to, more than anything, hold myself accountable and I think, whether I log my meals or not, I will want these to show improvement more than stagnation in my eating habits. I think that's what I'm personally getting out of these.
March may have looked bad but if you saw my eating habits from 2020, I have come leaps and bounds from where I was. That's no reason to stop now though because I still have habits to break, chains to unbind myself from and obstacles to climb. The biggest one is my frequency of working out. That's what I'll be working on in April. I have 20 Personal Training sessions with my gym that I got on a deal (very thankful for that). I am going to use those and hold myself accountable in my eating habits. I need to break my own laziness and need to have "quick and easy" stop being the reason why I continue to eat bad. I can't keep justifying my actions.
Jennifer has told me that she wants me to succeed but I have to want that too so we are considering playing racquetball once a week now instead of twice. She is already doing two other activities a week on top of the twice a week racquetball plus with Spring upon us, we'll be going out together to enjoy this nice weather at the parks or checking out trails, etc.
I have always felt like a burden to others but with Jennifer, I refuse to ever become that. I know this sounds silly but I want to be the best version of myself for her. I have a lot of head noise telling me all the reasons why I shouldn't care and how it's easier to just take the easy road and if I'm being honest, that's worked for my entire life up to this point. Now, I have fallen in love with a woman who is ambitious and strong-willed and wants to explore the world and live a healthy lifestyle.
When we were friends, I never thought she would ever want someone like me because all my doubts and insecurities told me I was in too many ways wrong for her. A half decade later though, here I am feeling like the luckiest man in the world. The lottery hasn't got anything on me. So here I am in a crossroads. I've always talked a big talk about losing weight and going to the gym. Now that has to mean something! It all comes down to this.
I can't do this for Jennifer because I'll burn out. I have to do this for me. I'm going to start this because of my love for her but I'm going to commit to this because of my actual NEED to improve my health, my lifestyle and my mind. All the noise in my head is telling me to stop because I'm doing enough learning how to cook but I have this feeling deep in my soul that tells me I'm meant for more than where I am. I have a purpose and I'm wavering from that by living in this lifestyle.
That changes in April.
Until next time, friends, have a great day!
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